Wednesday, July 6, 2011
I can't believe I'm typing this but: I head back to New Jersey on Tuesday night.
There are many mixed emotions that I'm coming to grips with on this fact. One is that I'm looking foreword to reuniting with family and friends that I haven't seen in almost 4 months. Especially Brother. I'm thrilled to see old decor as well. I miss NYC. I miss street fairs. I miss diners and great bakeries. I miss good pizza. I miss my bed. I'm a bit nervous on returning though, because I don't want to fall back into the old habit of feeling stuck. Since I've left, a lot has changed. For example, the family house was sold and my parents and stepsister have moved into new places. They have been situated for quite some time now, but I do not have that settled in feeling. The rental house that I'm moving into with friends is not ready yet. Because of this, I'll be under my parents roof again for a little while, which makes me hesitate. This time I don't have my own room and my things are still in storage. I've loved this adventure and I'm so grateful for every one's hospitality, but at this point, I'm becoming a bit worn out with sleeping on different beds and futons. I miss having my own space, a place that feels like home. I know I'll eventually have that, so I'm telling myself to stick it out a little longer. I'm also terrified that I don't have a job. A 28 year old should probably have one of those....
...And yet: I love the adventure of not knowing what's going to happen next and trying new things. I love it here. I love coming and going whenever I want. I love the fact that I'm not worried about anything or anyone while I'm out in Hawaii. The people here have been amazing to me and I have enjoyed the slow pace. I've made new friends and have been to so many new places. I've rediscovered a lot about myself that I thought was lost forever, like the fact that writing is probably what I enjoy the most and that being independent is the goal I've always dreamed of. I don't want to stop learning, or discovering new adventures. My next goal is to (eventually) travel to a new city. I'd like to stay in a hostel for my next trip. My long term goal is to move to the West Coast or the south, but I have to see what this country has to offer first, before I commit to one destination. All I know right now is that it's been amazing to not feel pain in my legs from the harsh, cold elements and I'd like to keep it that way. I'd love to have two places that I call home (a feeling that I have gotten since I've been here in Hawaii) Two sets of friends, two places I feel comfortable. I already have the two sets of friends part, and for that I am very lucky.
The best part about life is that you never know where it will take you. I've learned that too. In due time I will have what I want. In the meantime, I'll have to figure out what that is.